Dinner Ritual

[gulfcoastkid]

Hi Everyone,

Haven't posted for awhile, but have enjoyed reading what others have to say. Time for me to get in the mix also.

One of the things which has bothered me for quite some time is the ritual which occurs on occasion when having dinner with friends either at home or in someone else's place; the saying of grace with joining of hands. I feel so hypocritical, even tho I don't bow my head or say amen. I'm not sure how to avoid this without alienating my significant other and/or my friends. Any comments?http://www.gnawed.com/images/icons/icon5.gif

[psychomonkey62]

Hi Everyone,

Haven't posted for awhile, but have enjoyed reading what others have to say. Time for me to get in the mix also.

One of the things which has bothered me for quite some time is the ritual which occurs on occasion when having dinner with friends either at home or in someone else's place; the saying of grace with joining of hands. I feel so hypocritical, even tho I don't bow my head or say amen. I'm not sure how to avoid this without alienating my significant other and/or my friends. Any comments?http://www.gnawed.com/images/icons/icon5.gif

Just don't say it. Every family usually has a different way of saying Grace, so it shouldn't seem too weird.

And it's not that huge of a deal.

[Ximen Bao]

Or if you want, say it. It's meaningless. We are in the fortunate position of not worrying if this that or the other god is peek in to make sure we follow the true atheist path. Chanting along with whatever hocus-pocus that family is saying won't hurt anything unless you've got a strong revulsion to it. In that case don't. That's good too.

[Stumpy]

Hold their hands and simply give them a silent moment of respect. Likewise, my wife and I love open wheel races and during the public prayer I will be quiet out of respect, although I refuse to take off my hat, bow my head or any of that other submissive behavior. I will give the fundies a moment of silence, nothing more.

[phrog]

Indeed Stumpy, I concur. At a recent block party, at which my wife and I may be the only non-Mormons, they all took the time to do their god bothering ritual to bless the grub. We always remain quiet but this time near the end, I farted. I swear it was not a commentary, just a little gas.

[Stumpy]

That is pretty damn funny! At work every time there's a group lunch there is always a large contingency that want to have a prayer. I just silently watch all the Christians go through the prayer, it's quite amusing. One woman violently shakes her head, another wobbles back and forth, another looks like she's having a seizure, one lifts her hands in the air (raising the roof???), another mumbles as if speaking in tongues and yet another just keeps saying "yes Jesus" or "Amen". Meanwhile, the one Jewish person on the floor, my boss and I all look around trying not to snicker or laugh. Really, it looks like an alien abduction or something. I haven't thought about letting loose and busting ass, though. It could liven the bunch up quite a bit.

[minorwork]

Grace in the coal mine.



Rub a dub dub. Thanks for the grub. Yeah God!

Innocent food. I hope to honor you by doing good.

"Hey! You didn't say grace over your sandwich." "Yeah, well, it's not very good."


The second was from an atheist at the mine.
Remember Archie Bunker's?

[phrog]

A great little blessing form James Stewart in the 1965 film Shenandoah (http://imdb.com/title/tt0059711/)
Lord, we cleared this land. We plowed it, sowed it, and harvest it. We cook the harvest. It wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be eating it if we hadn't done it all ourselves. We worked dog-bone hard for every crumb and morsel, but we thank you Lord just the same for the food we're about to eat, amen.

[lorryfach]

There's nothing hypocritical about observing people doing something you don't believe has a point. You can choose to respect their actions (by being silent or by joining in) or you can choose to flaunt your opinion (by flatly refusing to participate even as an observer, thus alienating those around you). In either case, you're not a hypocrite, but in one case you might be considered a jackass. ;)

[muichimotsu]

I just stand there, holding hands maybe, but other than that, I say virtually nothing. Moment of silence is really it. And luckily, my family tends to not care at all or inquire about my beliefs, apparently just presuming I'm not religious but still believe in their deity of suffering, lol. Do the same thing at a church when I HAVE to go. Such as when my grandfather passed away and I was just sitting there through all the prayers, holding back snickers.

[Bunterx]

We personally don't have a dinner ritual. When at friends houses dinner usually involves a chinese or chippy. I've never eaten with any of my friends families =/. I would just go along with it, its respectful to their beliefs even if I don't belief it myself.

Same as in school, our mandatory assmeblies where we have a Bible reading and then a prayer. I bow my head for the prayer and say Amen at the end. Couldn't hurt, right?

[lorryfach]

I personally don't say "amen" because that expresses agreement, and I don't agree that a god needs to be thanked for the food that real people worked to obtain, ship, sell, and cook before it got to me. But I do bow my head, and I might even nod it if something sensible is mentioned. :wink: No one has ever mentioned the lack of "amen" if it's ever been noticed.

[Stumpy]

I'm quite lucky because my wife's family is about as non-practicing Catholic as you can get and I never see my family so I really don't have to adhere to any particular rituals. While I am respectful at work it annoys me because it is an activity that should be kept in private when you work for a government entity. If I worked for a private company then I might have a different opinion.

[phrog]

Why is it necessary in this day and age to open any session of anything with any prayer? Reminds me of the story about a little boy who was asked by his friend's mother who had invited him to dinner, if they said a prayer before their dinner at his house? He said, "No, we don't have to. My mom is a GOOD cook."

[lorryfach]

"No, we don't have to. My mom is a GOOD cook."
:laugh2: That's a great response.

I know that the people who insist on praying before a mean don't intend to offend anyone, but really, if I'm the one who cooked your meal, I'd prefer that you acknowledge my hard word, rather than (or at least in addition to) thanking a deity. Unless you're the type that doesn't believe in free will, surely I had something to do with putting the food in front of you, and I'm a lot more likely to care about your thanks.

And if you don't believe in free will, why did I invite you over for dinner, again? :rolleyes:

[Logicat]

I just stand there, holding hands maybe, but other than that, I say virtually nothing. Moment of silence is really it. And luckily, my family tends to not care at all or inquire about my beliefs, apparently just presuming I'm not religious but still believe in their deity of suffering, lol. Do the same thing at a church when I HAVE to go. Such as when my grandfather passed away and I was just sitting there through all the prayers, holding back snickers.

Most funerals turn into an advertisement for religion. I tried to get away from that with both my late husband's funeral and the one for my son. They were both non-believers. I gave in to my step-son with his father and allowed his minister to conduct the service. He didn't go too overboard on the religion but when my husband's favorite song was played, the audience almost fainted! They didn't understand the significance. The song was sung by Hank Willians Jr. and done as a duet with his late father, the great Hank Williams. The name of the song escapes me but when we watched the presentation of the video on tv with Senior and Junior singing together, although his father had died many years before, Jerry asked that it be played at his funeral in tribute to his own father. Oh! I think the name of the song was There's a Tear in my Beer!!! LOL!!!

At my son's funeral I played a song of great significance to both my son and his father, "Imagine" by John Lennon and I've asked that it be played at my own funeral when the time comes.

As to the holding hands and saying Grace, I just do the 'respectful moment of silence'. It's no big deal to me and saves face for the family.

[phrog]

Neighbor couple, good people and good friends, invited them over to dinner. Now when we go to their house we do the silence thing while they prey. Don't say amen though.

Once invited to our house, my wife offered them if they wanted to they could. They declined. I have to respect that. I was a bit put off when she offered. I kind of feel: my house my rituals, or lack therof. She won't offer again. I give her the skunk eye!