Will the defendant please stand up? [Archive] - gnawed.com

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chasm
09-18-2007, 08:28 AM
http://www.ketv.com/news/14133442/detail.html

Chambers Aims To Make Point About Frivolous Lawsuits


POSTED: 1:52 pm CDT September 17, 2007
UPDATED: 8:38 am CDT September 18, 2007



OMAHA, Neb -- State Sen. Ernie Chambers is suing God. He said on Monday that it is to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits.

Chambers said senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He said his main objection is that the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all.

"Thus anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody -- even God," Chambers said.

Chambers said he decided to file the lawsuit after a suit was filed in early September in federal court against Lancaster County Judge Jeffre Cheuvront. He's the judge who was hearing a sexual assault case in which the plaintiff wants to use the words rape and victim during her testimony.

Chambers lawsuit, which was filed on Friday in Douglas County Court, seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.

The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is omnipresent.

In the lawsuit, Chambers said he's tried to contact God numerous times.

"Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon defendant 'Come out, come out, wherever you are,' has been unable to do so,'" Chambers said.

The suit also requests that the court, given the peculiar circumstances of this case, waive personal service. It said that being omniscient, the plaintiff assumes God will have actual knowledge of the action.

The lawsuit accuses God "of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent." It says God has caused "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like."

The suit also says God has caused "calamitous catastrophes resulting in the wide-spread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction."

Chambers also says God "has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that defendant will laugh" when calamity comes.

Chambers asks for the court to grant him a summary judgment. He said as an alternative, he wants the judge to set a date for a hearing as expeditiously as possible and enter a permanent injunction enjoining God from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats described in the lawsuit.

stan2reason
09-18-2007, 02:19 PM
Outstanding!! I love this story on so many levels.

phrog
09-19-2007, 06:24 PM
Cracks me up. Reminds me of a headline in a tabloid at the checkout stand:

Nun, once married to God files for Divorce, sues for half of the Universe.

David
09-20-2007, 11:55 AM
OMG, this story is fantastic! I hope he wins the injunction!

Oh, and I never really thought of it before, but, isn't God the largest philanderer in the Universe? I mean, he's is married to all Nuns, etc, etc.. He's got to have a few thousand (or more?) wifes! Although, personally, I think even one is too many some days. :rolleyes:

phrog
09-20-2007, 12:16 PM
Oh, and I never really thought of it before, but, isn't God the largest philanderer in the Universe? I mean, he's is married to all Nuns, etc, etc.. He's got to have a few thousand (or more?) wifes! Although, personally, I think even one is too many some days. :rolleyes:
I heard that! Living in Utah, I've always said about the plogymists, my hat's off to any man that can live with more than one woman!

David
09-20-2007, 12:19 PM
I heard that! Living in Utah, I've always said about the plogymists, my hat's off to any man that can live with more than one woman!
I'm not sure you'd do much "living".... I'd be spending my whole life in Vegas away from the house! Could you imagine non-stop PMS? Every day, a new "Wife" with PMS?!? It's enough to make you want to never be home!

chasm
09-20-2007, 01:23 PM
Could you imagine non-stop PMS? Every day, a new "Wife" with PMS?!? It's enough to make you want to never be home!

Even worse - those occasional times when they'd all have PMS at the same time! :eek:

I live with a couple of females who occasionally get in sync with each other. The two weeks a month when they're on the rag but out of sync are bad enough - both at once is like the perfect storm. My son and I have to flee for our lives.

David
09-20-2007, 01:31 PM
On a personal note, I have three females in my house. My wife, and my two daughters. Now, my daughters are still young, but, I am DREADING the day when there are THREE women all on the rag living in my home. I'm not sure how I'll cope, but, I'm pretty sure vegas will have something to do with it!

Kumbafu
09-21-2007, 08:46 AM
On a personal note, I have three females in my house. My wife, and my two daughters. Now, my daughters are still young, but, I am DREADING the day when there are THREE women all on the rag living in my home. I'm not sure how I'll cope, but, I'm pretty sure vegas will have something to do with it!

I'm right there with you, David. 2 of my kids are girls and I have heard about the "syncronization" females get into. It'll be a few years for me, too. Maybe your house and my house will be in sync... we'll escape the neighborhood and grab a beer.

David
09-21-2007, 10:57 AM
Apparently God responds... I've posted on my blog :P

http://gnawed.com/blog.php?b=6

minorwork
09-21-2007, 04:03 PM
The State Journal Register ran an article. The Clerk of the court in question said that two responses have indeed just appeared on the counter answering the suit. And yeah, God was the respondent.

Why that state senator set up the theists this way, knowing some jack would take advantage and reply as God, is beyond me.

chasm
09-23-2007, 06:20 AM
The State Journal Register ran an article. The Clerk of the court in question said that two responses have indeed just appeared on the counter answering the suit. And yeah, God was the respondent.

Well, at least one of them is going to get into trouble for perjury.

Unbeliever
09-25-2007, 11:44 AM
Apparently, even God knows that to represent himself in court would mean that he has a fool for a client:

'God' gets an attorney in lawsuit (http://www.miamiherald.com/577/story/246590.html)

Unbeliever
09-25-2007, 11:46 AM
I heard that! Living in Utah, I've always said about the plogymists, my hat's off to any man that can live with more than one woman!

Yeah, and just think of all those extra in-laws! :eek:

David
09-25-2007, 12:02 PM
Why is God defending himself?? Matthew 5:40 says that you shouldn't defend yourself!

5:40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.

chasm
09-26-2007, 11:23 AM
Look closely at that document he's holding there. God's mouthpiece seems to be getting a little bitchy. "God does not issue terroristic threats, but He will visit an appropriate punishment upon the blasphemous complainant by seeing that he is removed from office next year." And witnessed by the Archangel Michael, to boot.

god's lacky
10-06-2007, 08:35 AM
Now, gentlemen, living with a man is no easy feat, either. I can see where one may come in handy now and then, but constant cohabitation? "I'm not sure you'd do much 'living'"...